Creativity

 

I’m a creative.

I like to make things.

I take pictures, film everything, paint, fold, build, write, sing, cook, think, over-think, imagine, draw, delicately manipulate small pieces of paper in front of huge lights to bring characters to life on card. It is true that for most moments in my life, something in my mind will be creating; verb. But I have a problem. For a long time I’ve believed that creativity; noun, meant to make some thing; the creation of something new. And yet here I find myself, standing in the middle of an empty room, looking at my camera, my art and craft supplies, my abandoned journals, and wondering what thing I’m supposed to make with them, what creation worthy of the word: cree-ay-tivity. I think this is what they call a creative slump; noun.

In the words of Mario Vargas Llosa, ‘It’s the most exciting moment when you discover life in what you’ve created’. I think I’d so much rather believe the opposite. That my creativity is not limited to the objects I use to express it, but found even in my most conventional of creative slumps. Whilst I may not be making things I want to show the world every day; I am still creating and I am still creative. I can still use a broken window blind to hook a book from my shelf so I don’t have to get out of bed and I still fold each of my bus tickets into a swan every morning at my work desk. For me, it is the most exciting moment when you discover the act of creation in the everyday, the moment of clarity, where to think, love, live, wonder, worry, and slump, are the ultimate acts of creation.untitled

Advertisements

Road-tripping

A big thank you to the camper for taking us from the mechanics of Calais, to from the mountains of south eastern France, through the fruit fields of Collias and finally to the Mediterranean. It’s been a rollercoaster (literally when the breaks cut out, or teetering on the side of the verdon gorge) but it’s been a pleasure. 🌎 Traveling – it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.” – Ibn Battuta

Living Fully; Now.

Today I wanted to talk about a few ideas; ideas that borrow from the tenets of Eastern Philosophy about living in the present, and never really ‘arriving’ so to speak. I want to have a think about living fully now, preparing for the future AND forgetting to enjoy the results of that striving in the ‘now’ – so, starting the week off in the deep end!

I’ll begin with a quote: ‘’and while as I said it is of tremendous use for us to be able look ahead in this way and to plan. There is no use planning for a future which when you get to it and it becomes a present, you won’t be there… you’ll be living in some other future which hasn’t yet arrived. And so in this way one is never able actually to inherit and enjoy the fruits of ones actions. You can’t live at all… unless you can live fully, now.

If I look back with an honest eye at the past few years, I can see that I’ve been preoccupied with preparing for my future. I’ve just graduated from University, where I spent three years looking ahead to what I would do when I had a degree, what job I might end up in, what adult life I might have. Before that I was in college, working towards A levels that would help me get into the university I wanted, so that, at whatever point in the future, I would be happy and I would be successful. I had an awful lot invested, and I suppose I still do, in the notion that one day, I would arrive. Everything would come together and I would somehow learn in a moment, the life I wanted to, and would live. But that hasn’t happened. I’ve arrived and yet I’m still not there. I’ve ‘gotten’ to the future, and found that it ONLY exists in the future. There is no arriving.

We are inside of a system that prepares us for a destination, and not the journey that we live every day. From a very young age, we have been learning how to prepare, but our preparation never ends, we never reach ‘there’, wherever there is. We carry on preparing for the future all our lives and yet the future has no destination. The future exists only in the future. We live it with each moment.

It is useless to live for a future when we don’t live it when it arrives. So I’m trying to learn to enjoy the now. Rather than learning to enjoy today or tonight, I’m enjoying this, this moment right now.  Happiness can’t be possible in a future which is not guaranteed and joy for the future can’t, by its very nature, exist if you don’t try to be happy right now.

22 Things Before I Turn 22

373824_449085468464685_805961557_n

In one month and ten days, I’ll be turning 22 years old. There’s a small part of me that wonders where 21 went, but in reality I ticked of some pretty hefty life experiences this year. I got my first proper job, we moved house twice, I started making videos on YouTube, I turned vegan, I made huge steps in recovery from an ED, I improved my climbing, started running and Nathan and I celebrated 3 years together.

They say that life speeds up as you get older, and all of a sudden you’re looking back, wondering where your twenties went, so it seems to me that I’d do well to grab these years by the metaphorical balls and have a good go at making the absolute most of them. With 41 days left until I enter year 22, I’m determined to make a last push and tick off some small goals before my birthday.

In no particular order, I want to:

1.Take a trip to somewhere new

Travel is something I don’t feel you can ever do enough. Since childhood, I’ve wanted to visit, see, do and explore as much as possible, and yet I feel as though I neglected the wanderer inside of me a little this year. Luckily, Nathan and I have 1 trip planned for June, but the real aim would be to push this up before July 5th, funds allowing.

2. Watch at least 1 sunrise

There’s a quote which I adore which goes a little something like this: “There’s a sunrise and a sunset every single day, and they’re absolutely free. Don’t miss so many of them.” Though I’d hate to admit it, I do miss far too many. For for the next 41 days, I really want to make an effort to catch and appreciate more of them.

3. Go on a photography walk

I’m a big camera person. I’m rarely to be found without one on my person and I’m always taking pictures or clips of things, much to my friends bewildered amusement. ‘Hannah why are you taking pictures of your food?’ is a phrase I’ve heard more times than I could count and yet I still feel like photography is a passion of mine that I need to make more time for, so I hope to be able to take my DSLR for a whirl in the woods and get some shots before Spring is up!

4. Write a letter to somebody

I can’t explain this one as much as I’d like to. I feel like there’s a lost art in letter writing, and I really want to try my hand at a long and meaningful letter some somebody close to me.

5. Have a clear out

Considering we just moved house for the second time this year, you wouldn’t think having a clear out would/could make this list. Thing is, I’m a huge hoarder and I’m ridiculously sentimental- That box of post it notes and old point and shoots in the store? Yes I do need them, because they might be useful one day and don’t you remember that I drew that doodle on that note on our first night in our last house?! That said, I’m a big believer in ‘tidy space, tidy mind’, so a clear out before my 21st year is up seems like a good idea!

6. Run a 10K

I am the queen of well-intentioned 10k runs that turn into run/walk/take pictures of flowers 5k runs. I started running this year, and I still haven’t managed a 10k – partly because cardio is HARD and partly because my attention span is pants. This month though, I will…!

7. Cook dinner for my parents

Two of my favorite things in the world are food, and my parents. So some simple maths ( food + mum + dad = dinner cooked for parents) dictates that I’ll have cooked my parents dinner before my 22nd birthday!

8. Try a food I’ve never tried before

And there aren’t many! I’m a big foodie, so I feel like this might be quite an easy challenge. In fact, sourcing some yummy, exotic food doesn’t really sound like a challenge at all! I’m quite looking forward to this one.

9. Take a day trip somewhere alone

Here’s the thing: I’m world number 1 at being an introvert. I absolutely love a good solitary ‘thinking’ walk, or an ‘until you get wrinkly’ read in the bath without any human distractions and I really like my own company. I also really like fading into the background and experiencing a new place as a lone ranger – so I really would like to take a solo trip before the summer. Not far, but just far enough!

10. Make my own recipe

Cooking is one of my favorite, favorite hobbies. I love to get creative in the kitchen and think up new and different recipes – testing them out on Nathan is one of his favorite things too, I think! Before I turn 22, I want to get a recipe of my own nailed. A real personal dish that I can hail as my own creation and thrust proudly under everybody’s noses at fuddles.

11. Conquer an outdoor climb

After taking a fall at climbing the other month, I’ve not been doing all that much on the wall. I’ve been doing even less outside, and if I’m really honest, I’m a little bit nervous after an injury! It seems a shame to shy away from the thing I love the most, so I aim to get back out of the grit before July 5th!

12. Write a 22 years blog post

In addition to this post, I also want to recap my year once my birthday has passed. I think it’s always lovely to be able to look back over your experiences down the line and remember all the things you got up to!

13. Give Nathan a massage

Nathan is honestly one of the most ticklish, responsive people I know. His enjoyment of back, hand, head anything massages is so insane, I sometimes wonder if his nervous system is wired differently. But alas, I’m a lazy girlfriend and he suffers massage neglect daily. So, as a gesture of good will and as a big thank you for sharing the year with me, I want to give Nathan a proper back massage before my birthday!

14. Go on a date

Perhaps this next one is slightly more self-motivated but I’d really like Nathan and I to go on a proper date; go for a meal, or watch a film together, just spend some ‘us’ time together.

15. Ride my bike

I’ve written ride my bike and now I’m wondering if I actually own a bike anymore. Maybe squirrelled away in my parents shed but it’s been that long since I used it they’ve probably donated it. I’ve always been funny on a bike – I never was a very confident rider and as the years passed it became more and more of a thing that I just wasn’t very good at and honestly, I’m terrified of riding on the road but my phobia of bicycling is one that I really want to put behind me!

16. Read 22 books

I’m not 100% sure that this is actually achievable, not because the intent is lacking, but because I have 41 days in which to do it. In all probability, fitting in that many books whilst also ticking off the rest of this list may be a little tight, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try. When there’s a will there’s a way, isn’t that what they say?

17. Make something from scratch, be in clothing, a piece of furniture…

There’s never an occasion where making something from scratch isn’t satisfying as anything. This aim also coincides nicely with the abundance of timber and paint we have lying around the house from Nathan’s furniture projects.

18. Start a new TV series

I recently powered though Bates Motel and AHS and some of my best wind down time comes from burrowing into my bed and marathoning Netflix. Before my 21st year is up i want to find another series to lose myself in – should be too hard!

19. Play squash

Squash has long been one of my favorite sports. It’s such good fun and great exercise and it indulges my competitive streak, yet I haven’t played in a good few months. This needs remedying.

20. Stargaze

One of my fondest memories plays back to me often. In it, I’m sat on a sun lounger in Nathan’s back garden, looking at the stars with Nathan and chatting. This was back when we were first getting to know one another, and it’s an activity I have lots of good accusations with, so I’d like to set aside a space for it on this list!

21. Vote

I’ve voted before, in last years general election. It didn’t go too well. I was sorely disappointed. Without launching into a politically charged rant on the importance of voting, one of the things I’ll do in June is vote in the UK referendum, to decide if the UK will remain in the EU.

22. Have a medical

Lastly, before I turn 22 I wan’t to get a full medical check up. There’s nothing like a birthday to remind you of your own mortality, and to give you that gentle nudge to appreciate your health and how lucky you are to be ailment free.

526892_623706417669255_205171734_n

So that’s my list of things I’d like to get done before I complete another year of my life. I’m feeling quite confident, and I’m looking forward to sending off 21 on a good note. Wish me luck. 🙂

Perfection: Some Thoughts

 

One of the fundamental axioms of all human life is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist. And if it did exist, we wouldn’t, so why worry ourselves with the idea that we’re not exactly as we should be.

Hello everybody,

Today we’re out on my lawn trying to make the most of the good weather and I want to have a little chat about a quote that I read recently which rang very true to me. I think it helps to put things into perspective a little bit, especially for me where body image and self-acceptance are concerned – a little reminder of something that I do know, deep down, but very often forget.

So the quote reads as follows:

‘Looking out into the Universe at night we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars or between wonderful and poorly arranged constellations’.

So, I, like everybody, have times when I feel very flawed and times when I feel like I’m not as good as I should be, whatever it is that I think I should be, I often feel I’m falling short. I think this is a very human thing to do, a very natural thing to do, but also a really restricting things to do, and I think we do a great disservice to ourselves when we put this kind of pressure on.

It seems to me that we have this habit of picking apart perceived imperfections in ourselves in a way that’s not only really quite cruel and self-destructive, but also in a way that we wouldn’t do to anybody else, or to the natural things around us.

And one of my biggest targets is the way I look, specifically the way my body looks. I’ve never been very accepting of my body, which is strange because I feel like I’m very able to rationalize ‘bodies’ in general healthy, accepting way. It’s different when I’m looking inwardly, and I don’t know why but I think that’s probably the same for most people.

I don’t look at other people and think that they should be different. And I don’t look at things in the natural world and think they should be different, even if I can see that they have ‘imperfections’ conventionally. In nature, and in others, nothing is perfect and everything is then perfect, if that makes sense. Trees can be bent and twisted, people can have moles and freckles and hairy bits, and scarred bits , flowers can be asymmetrical but they’re still beautiful. There are so many natural design flaws and yet the natural world is for most, an incredible beautiful place, that we love and marvel at no less for its flaws. And so why do we look at ourselves any differently?

One of the fundamental axioms of all human life is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist. And if it did exist, we wouldn’t, so why worry ourselves with the idea that we’re not exactly as we should be.

I came into this world, if created or otherwise, exactly as nature intended, just as the most contorted tree or the most jagged mountain came into the world, exactly as it was supposed to be. Humans are not perfect and neither am I, but I am just as beautiful.

 

Gratitude

“Go outside. Don’t tell anyone and don’t bring your phone. Start walking and keep walking until you no longer know the road like the palm of your hand, because we walk the same roads day in and day out, to the bus and back home and we cease to see. We walk in our sleep and teach our muscles to work without thinking and I dare you to walk where you have not yet walked and I dare you to notice. Don’t try to get anything out of it, because you won’t. Don’t try to make use of it, because you can’t. And that’s the point. Just walk, see, sit down if you like. And be. Just be, whatever you are with whatever you have, and realize that that is enough to be happy. There’s a whole world out there, right outside your window. You’d be a fool to miss it.”

The less free time I have, the more time I enjoy. This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, if you think about it for too long but I think I’m realizing more and more that the small moments spent feeling carefree and content are the most valuable. Weekends spent like these ones, exploring the woods and bouldering in the sunshine seem to divide the constant, self-made pressures of life on fast forward so much that I can’t really help but think that life was intended to be simpler. Yet I’m more appreciative than I can remember. I think it all comes down to a gratitude for what you have, in the here and now, because things will never be the same as they are in this moment. By not stopping to appreciate the small moments, I’ll lose them. And eventually, my life will go the same way. I’d be a fool to miss it.

12965228_1052425928148107_372002090_n

13099148_1716737795238090_107799448_n


 

I GAINED 35lbs | Weight and Body Image Chat

So I get a little personal with this video, but I think it’s important that this gets talked about. Hope you’re having a brill Saturday and remember that every BODY is beautiful, yours too!

”Beauty is all around us but not everyone sees it.”

WHERE TO FIND ME

☞Instagram: hann_morris
☞Snapchat: hcemorris
☞Tumblr: hcemorris.tumblr.com